if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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