in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize