I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize