this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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