Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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