he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize