I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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