it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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