i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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