I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize