Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm too high and old for this...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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