I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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