So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
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I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize