Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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