All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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