tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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