I can text with my tongue
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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