People in love make me want to vomit
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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