dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize