don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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