Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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