I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
