i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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