This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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