Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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