i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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