I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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