I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize