Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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