If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize