we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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