I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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