I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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