My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I want her autograph on my taint
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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