Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I could make wine with my vomit
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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