Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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