Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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