i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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