his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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