Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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