and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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