I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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