everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
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Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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