You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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