I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize