I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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