I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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