Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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