dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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