Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize