Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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