hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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